Taking back control

Well, it’s time to update my blog, as I have Facebook. In February, I decided — or I was controlled to decide — to move to North Carolina to be with Orlando. He basically said if I didn’t move there, our relationship was over. I fell for it, and we started making plans for me to move in April. I was excited and happy thinking I was going to be married in short order and find a whole new community of musicians in Charlotte.

But after the visit in November, I started noticing something strange. No matter what I did, Orlando accused me of mistreating him. If I beat him in Yatzy many times by a large margin, I was taking advantage of his disadvantage. I was invited to a party with games. Suddenly I wasn’t to play games with any men involved. Friends who normally heard from me every few days stopped hearing from me, because I was constantly on the phone day and night — sometimes all night. They became concerned, and I tried to tell Orlando that I had to contact my friends, or they’d worry about me. Suddenly I wasn’t putting him first the way I was supposed to.

A couple weeks ago, Orlando had a verbal altercation with his then housemates while we were on the phone. I read my email thinking I should stay out of the fight. I was Accused of abandoning him and leaving him vulnerable to a dangerous situation. Then last Sunday I posted on Facebook that I had a Shamrock Shake from McDonalds. This vanilla mint treat comes out once a year, and I have to have at least one. Orlando was having an awful time unpacking in the new house, and he accused me of gloating my pleasures while was disadvantaged. He also warned me that one more mistake like this, and we were through.

Tuesday I had my lawn and snow shoveler guy over for lunch. He wanted to make a pizza in my oven, because his was broken. Orlando found out about it, as he called and went ballistic on me. I was having lunch with a man besides him, and that was too intimate for his liking. He broke up with me saying this was it, but stayed on the phone saying if I only said the right thing, he’d stay. That didn’t happen before he was due to go to a rehearsal for one of his bands.

Thursday I felt I had to call a friend to cancel our dinner plans, because Orlando told me with only 3 weeks left before my move, I had to prove my love to him, or he’d tell me to just stay home. Previously, he even told me if he didn’t like the way I was acting once I got down there, he’d leave me homeless. I told my friend some of what had been happening, and she said Orlando was abusing and controlling me. I had my therapy appointment that day and then met my friend for dinner. She continued to convince me that I was being abused and controlled by Orlando. For the last couple days, I have not been answering my phone when he calls or responding to his Messages on all sorts of social media. I learned this morning he contacted my mom — — who is not a fan of his at all — trying to get me back. It’s difficult not to answer the phone when he calls, because some of his messages are very sweet and passionate. At other ‘times his messages have a menacing undertone. I’ve blocked him on Twitter and my cell phone. I haven’t been able to block him on my home phone yet, but I’m working on it. Friends and family are worried I’ll go back to him if I talk to him again. I never realized I was so easily controlled, but I tried so hard to make him happy with little success. I guess that’s what he wanted all along — to keep me off of my game.