News, updates, and happenings with the Kragnes family: Phil, our Seeing Eye Dogs, and (me) Rebecca.

Archive for February, 2016

Contradictions, Having Your Cake, and Eating It Too

Lately I’ve been thinking how sometimes we want things both ways and how confusing it must be for the people from whom we “want it”. For example, women want equal rights, and I’d definitely put myself in that category. If I had a job in which a constant salary was involved, I would want my salary to be equal to any man’s working that same job. But in order to have those equal rights, we will have to forego things I’m not sure many of us are willing to give up. I still appreciate a door held for me or a guy helping me with my coat or pulling out my chair. Those “Treat Her Like a Lady” nicities aren’t lost on me. And how about the bigger stuff like military service? If we demand equal rights, are we saying we want to be drafted if a draft is instituted? How about the biggy of combat? I wouldn’t want to be in the military let alone combat, and it isn’t due to the traditional reasons like wanting to have kids or whatever. I’m just plain chicken. So how far are we willing to go for equal pay, and what are we willing to give up for it?
Closer to my heart is the concept of deserving and my very complicated feelings around it. Of course, those of us who are Christians believe Jesus died for our sins and forgives us, though we deserve neither. But then Paul says if you don’t work, you don’t eat, plain and simple. Phil gave me a gift of a portable stool. Because of his prosthetics, it has become hard for him to stand for long periods of time, so he got one for himself a few weeks ago. But the one he got had weight limits I would not fit. Today a stool with my weight in mind was delivered, and I felt so undserving of it! I didn’t have prosthetic legs, and why should my overweight self deserve such a comfortable seat? I have always hated standing though and would rather be given the option to sit whenever possible. Phil knew about it and decided to give me something to help with my comfort while waiting at bus stops or whereever there might not be a handy seat.
Part of my complex feelings around deserving and undeserving have to do with my income contribution to our household. I contribute what I can, but x’s safe to say Phil is the ultimate bread winner! Due to life circumstances, Phil has rarely come to one of my performances, but last night he and a couple new friends came to the Malt Shop to hear me play. My tips were average which was more than welcome after the last abysmal few weeks. Probably the best thing I took away from the night though was Phil’s comments to our friends while I was playing. His comments indicated he was proud of me, and I hadn’t heard that in a long time. I get hung up on income and being undeserving due to income , because those intangible things don’t often show. I’ll definitely use the stool, but it’s his pride in me which was my best Valentine’s present from him.  


Contradictions, Having Your Cake And Eating It Too

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