Since Phil has come home, I have hardly looked at e-mail so plowed through and deleted some tonight. Phil and I have both have some dark and light moods which have come and gone quickly since he arrived home Thursday. I managed to get him rides to our monthly “dinner delvers” group on Saturday night —especially because it was at our favorite Mexican place. He’s been taking Metro Mobility rides every day to the Infusion center and to get labs drawn. Later this morning is the last of those, and then a nurse comes out three times a week to draw labs. Even getting on and off the Metro buses has been somewhat of a struggle — especially given the glaze ice —, and there’s no way he’s ready for bus travel. He’s had some post-surgical swelling which has made it hard to breathe. The kidney is not functioning fully yet, but the numbers seem to be going in the right direction.
This is my health week from hell with a dental appointment later today and a physical exam Thursday. These things stress me out, because I know in their ways, the doctor and dentist plus assistants will tell me what a bad patient I am. Phil’s surgery and recovery has meant that I’ve probably been worse than usual. I hope they don’t pile the guilt too thick, because they night be surprised what is given back to them. Can we say, “I am not in the mood”?
Thursday night is the Well Spouses support group, and by the time I get through my health appointments and the next few days, I’ll be ready. I was awakened quite suddenly at four forty by Phil’s dog jumping on me. Garron gets anxious when Phil’s screaming. He was in some significant pain and was scrambling for the Tylenol which was not where he put it. I don’t take the stuff but managed to put my hand right on it and hand it to him. I fed and relieved the dogs and watered their bowl and the humidifier before crashing in bed again.
The other big time we almost killed each other was after dinner Saturday night. We were waiting for our ride, and Phil and I each had an idea of where to stand to make it easiest for the person picking us up. Mine was based on visibility. If I was right at the corner, he could see where we were no matter how he approached. Phil’s was that standing at the corner was a bad idea, because our driver would have the back of the vehicle in the intersection. Unfortunately, he was so angry that he lost orientation and unintentionally crossed the street despite the snow mounds. It was night, so I was scared seeing the light was not in his favor, and his tone of voice was not the softest or kindest to me or his dog either.
Lest you think I have been an angel, that’s not true either. I don’t tend to yell, but there are quite a few entities in the last few days which have unknowingly taken a blue streak of cursing — as witnessed by Phil, the dogs , and these four walls —because of their insensitivity, impatience, or both. I’ve gone from a trigger verbal temper to being a bundle of free floating anxiety to just wanting to hibernate in a warm bed and forget about everyone and everything. I forgot to ask Phil to wake me up before leaving Sunday morning thus oversleeping and missing my ride to church. The company cancelled my ride home, so finding a way to get there and back added to my anxiety. The ride home took a while because of a long story, but it did mean meeting some new friends.
There are more things on the good side. Phil’s supervisor brought over a great supper which will last a couple meals for us. There was some great salad and a wonderful casserole with chicken, rice, cheese, creamed soup, green beans, and water chestnuts. There were also chips with homemade guacamole and cookies for dessert. I also had a couple of sets of friends come hear me at the Malt Shop last night which really bolstered my spirits.