I should sleep so much better tonight, because everyone in is the house. But before I go to bed, I have to make sure my tears are done and my nose is unstuffed.
I was a little perturbed yesterday when I found out Phil was running a low grade fever. Apparently, this is common after surgery. Blood cultures were taken, and no infection showed.
I have been disappointed with and hard on myself today, because I just haven’t been able to do much. I’ve been so cold all day, and I think it’s the extreme temperature change from 70’s to 20’s within a couple days that just had me out of sorts. I couldn’t even get my hands warm which is very rare! Most of the afternoon until Phil got home, I curled up in my warm bed with a book and napped.
Physical and occupational therapy people felt confident Phil was ready to go home after working with him today, and his Coumadin is at the level they desired. He arrived home around five thirty, and Garron got here soon after. Our reader got here at six, and aside from a few stupid pieces of mail that made me very angry, that was fine. Phil was and is in quite a bit of pain on this thigh / surgery site. This is the first day he has had his liner from his artificial leg on for any extended time, and he didn’t realize how much it would irritate that spot. It isn’t on the spot but very near to it. He’s not going to work tomorrow — just dialysis — in order to keep that liner off as much as he can. He probably will stay home Wednesday and wear it for our dinner out. A couple days of gradually wearing it more will be better than starting with an eight hour work day.
Then we had a minor crisis when Phil looked for his headphones and was missing a vital part. I don’t touch that side of the mantle, and the only person who had been near it was our cleaning guy. Phil could tell some things had been moved from the way he had them. Phil was looking all over for it, because it is his most comfortable head set to wear during dialysis. He was pretty angry, and I just wanted to try to calm him down. I tried to make arrangements to have them come tomorrow before Phil left. Finally he looked in his bag and found the missing piece. I called back and apologized.
I managed to make some fish tenders in the oven. It was actually fun to listen to the Mushroom FM Internet Radio station on my Iphone and have the timer on my phone let me know when the food was done. The meal was good, and Phil and I spent the rest of the night talking.
My tears came out of something he told me about his latest stay. As he was withdrawing from the pain medication, he had several hallucinations. He described some to the doctors who thought he might be stroking or having a heart attack, because of the visuals and then some pain in his chest. It was when he was getting tests to make sure he wasn’t that he had the one that made me cry. He felt a big hand touch his nose and in some other way indicate that he was to follow him. He protested that he wasn’t ready to go because of me and Garron, and the presence moved away. This whole discussion began when we talked about how one of his doctors said they were running out of dialysis options. He told me that each time he went through something he thought he couldn’t take, it made him stronger and more willing to fight until he absolutely can’t anymore. He’s been thinking about how hard on me and Garron his death would be, and he told me he’d go through a lot to bridge between now and a transplant. Then we started talking about the fact that he’d like to die and home and the merits of Garron and I finding him verses getting call from the hospital. That’s when Phil told me about this “hallucination”. I asked him if he considered that the presence might have been God, and he said afterward that he had. Talking of his death made me cry anyway, but this discussion really brought on the tears! So I want to make sure I’m done before hitting the sack. Needless to say, it’s been an emotional day.